Another person will not hurt you without your cooperation. You are hurt the moment you believe yourself to be.

At first glance, it may seem dismissive—are we really not hurt by others’ words, actions, or betrayals? But Epictetus is pointing to something deeper: the power of interpretation.

It’s not the insult or the rejection itself that wounds you—it’s your judgment of it, the meaning you attach to it. This doesn’t mean pretending nothing affects you. It means realizing that emotional pain is shaped by your internal response. If someone criticizes you, and you believe the criticism reflects your worth, it stings. But if you question it, examine it, or simply let it pass, the sting fades.

The Stoics taught that we are responsible for our own minds. While we can’t control what others say or do, we can control what we tell ourselves about it. That’s where freedom begins.

Where are you giving someone else the power to define your value? And what would it look like to reclaim that power—not by ignoring pain, but by refusing to be ruled by it?

You may not choose what others do. But you do choose whether to hand them the keys to your peace.